I am going to be the first to admit it, my life is straight up crazy. Let’s put aside the fact that I have married my ex husbands wifes ex husband, and focus on the fact that I can actually hang out with my ex husbands wife! You’re probably thinking um what the what?! Yeah that’s right, we have gone to dinner together, take the kids to activities together, and I even slept in the same bed as her when we had a girls trip with some mutual friends to NYC last year. First of all…no. No to what you’re thinking. There will be no twist in this story like…oh snap we fell for each other. As much as that would just add to this Lifetime Original we have going, I’m sorry to disappoint, but that is just not the case.
What you all have to keep in mind is Her and I were friends before all of this switchero (that’s a word I’m almost positive). Have I wanted to punch her in her beautiful face a time or two, or do the ole’ dog poop in a bag and light it on fire then ding dong ditch trick? Of course. Not recently have I felt that way though, so if she’s reading this…rest easy and don’t be afraid to answer your door at night. But come on I’m not Mother Teresa people! I have had my moments where I didn’t think nice things. Yet people change.
I know that concept it so hard to fathom, change. Having kids changed me, Divorce changed me, my husband now changed me, and finding God again has changed me. We are constantly changing through life so why can’t my kids step mother and I’s relationship change too? Where does it say I must be angry at her the rest of my life? Show me the book that says divorce means you will forever be bitter? I’m not reading it if it exists anyway. Instead I’m writing my own book in life called, Team Mom, Two is Better Than One.
I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, how can I live a life constantly in competition with Her? Let’s face it, we as women love to compete against one other. Yet for what? I’ve had her man and she’s had mine. …Insert awkward pause…
The only thing we could possibly compete for is the love of our children. Lord knows this was a struggle for me in the early days of divorce and shared parenting, but as I’ve seen the dinamic of my kids with her and hers with me I have realized there’s nothing to worry about. The love of children is so all encompassing and pure just like The simple love of Christ and they love us both in our own ways. The kids aren’t splitting their love up and dividing it amongst us, with me getting 50% and her getting the other 50%. No way! We both get 100% all the time, and there is something so beautiful about that.
She and I have really come far over the years. We really have a lot of reasons to not get along, but those three reasons that call us mom are what have really helped our relationship grow. We still have moments where we have different opinions or where we honestly might not like something the other said or did, but for the most part we’ve really become a parenting duo (dads included of course) to be reckoned with.
Not many kids with divorced parents can say they have memories of both moms taking them to the movies all together…
One of the best things about all this is our united front as mom’s. When parents don’t get a long through divorce especially, it becomes an easy game for kids to pit one against the other. When mom’s house doesn’t allow something it’s much easier to go ask Dads house because they don’t talk anyway and would never know! Ha! Our poor poor kids will hopefully never be able to pull this trick. Oh sure the teen years are fast approaching and surely one of us will tick a kid off to the point they may try to pick one parent over the other in hopes to break us down. However, these early stages of friendship and momma bonding are preparing us for those moments.
I can’t tell you how many times the kids have tried the whole “Mom Lindsey said I could do this…” only for me to reply, “oh really? Let’s call her and see exactly what was said”. I do of course, or she calls me and the kids are caught in their lie. As they get older their slowly starting to figure out that stuff doesn’t fly.
So call us crazy (our husbands do), but I have a feeling our crazy is just what some divorced mom’s wish they had. I know this life is not ideal for many, and that it takes two to make a relationship like this work, and luckily the other mom is a willing participant to this craziness. Yet, it’s not all easy and just like every relationship it takes work.
The other day I noticed the girls had put a picture (I dunno where they found it) from a work party a while ago on their nightstand in between their bed…
I often think of the mothers in my life and how although I have my one and only amazingly beautiful mother who has become my best friend, I know there are so many other mothers who have impacted my life. God didn’t intend for us mothers to be alone in all this. He’s given us a team of women to help and support us. I am truly blessed to have another mom helping me raise our children right along side me. I think God knew I needed all the help I could get!